granny

QSitting at rehab/nursing home with my granny for second day in a row. She was in a car wreck a month ago. We are lucky she's still alive. She has a broken pelvis which is inoperable at her age, 91. She is a nice lady & is determined to go home again. Before this she lived alone except her favorite granddaughter was moving in with her. You would thi nk this is a good thing unless you know the girl. We will refer to her as N. N has been on & off drugs most of her life. Her 3 kids have been taken away from her by CPS. N is a schemer. Granny is the only one that buys into her stories. I think she knows what N is, but chooses to ignore it. Granny thinks she can save N.

agai n

Another day has arrived. Ho hum.I struggle with my purpose. Why do I exist? My answer, to raise sammii. And to see how much pain a body can take before......
Despair is with me again. I do not know how to overcome. My intelligence tells me that I should be grateful to be alive. And I am. It tells me I should be creating my future. Should b preparing for life. I am just so discouraged. It seems its been a very long time since I have done anything right. I just exist. I am a waste of air, food, & space.

agai n

Again

ghost

Wel the day was ok. Watched the nationwide race at bristol. One of my fav tracks. I will go there someday. Oh hell who am I kidding, I'll never get there. Anyway, szam & I went to thegym & ran errands. We got back & mom joined us to check out a wreck in a legendz rAce. All was good.
Sam went & actuallt cooked diner. After I made my plate, walking to the puter I noticed ghost had somethung under the table. I found it was moms leather gloves. OMG. I made sam take it in & show mom. I knew she'd b PO'd. But I did not expect the reaction she had. She immediately started crying. It freaked sam & I out. She was almost hysterical. She woyuldn't let sam hug her & tell her sorry. I went in a few min later to she if she was ok. She was still crying & slaammed her fist into her chair & said thru clenched teeth "ihate that dog, I hate that dog." It was mean & viscious! About 10 min later she came out & asked where the f'n dog was. She went into ghosts room & started to really whomp on ghost. Maybe even kicked her, not sure. When she walked back past sam & I shed had the saddest mixed w hate look on her face & repeated that she haAted that f'n dog. It was scarey.
I xdon't knosw what to do. We called greg & ghost went ther for the night. I hav e NEVER seen mom act like this. Never. I don't know what to do. Sam says ghost is her best friendx. Earlier today sam was saying how much she loved ghost & hoped she lived As long as Dixie had. I am so zad, worried, concerned, confused & I don't know what else.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I'm sure it will suck. I hope the lord will be here to help us all get thru the daY.

driving

I'm getting very tired of running Sam around. Again I made 4 trips. To haul her somewhere. The alternative,her driving, is scary as hell tho. I fell asleep in the car,parked in garage, again. Was late getting her at lunch so she could go shopping w her aunt Terri. Boone could be bothered to meet me when it was time for her to b back at school at 6:30. And of course I had to pick her up at school at 8 when she was done.
I came home and went straight to bed. But of course I am up at 1:30 in the morning.
I am grumpy.

Maci Faith

Well today my second grandchild is being born. Unfortunately I am in Texas & she's in Wyoming, 1100 miles away. Her mom is sending me updates via text. Its kinda cool. Almost wish for pics but will wait til after her birth. So the strange thing about her mom is her name. Her name is Samantha Cheyenne. Why is that weird? My daughter, my sons sister, is also named Samantha. My brothers daughter is named Cheyenne.
I do like Sam. She has had a tough life & that has made her tough. She keeps my son Robby in line. And she gas been through a lot & knows what kind if mom she wants to be.
So I have not taken being a grandma very well. But I am excited about Maci, I guess its better the second time around. I am praying that all goes well.

first blog

This is my first blog post ever. I'm middle aged, stay home mom (not by choice). I have 2 kids. Robby is 23, married, with 1 child & 1 to be here anyday. He lives in Wyoming which is 1100 miles fro me. I also have a 15 year old daughter who thinks she's 20. She is a great kid & keeps me way busy.
I have been a NASCAR fan for many many years. I also am addicted to my computer. I have been divorced for 12years & I live with my momma. She's wonderful. I am a dog person, we have a weimaraner who is full of mischief. Ok the end for now.